Terms & Conditions Apply

February 14, 2012 in Celebrities Behaving Badly, Life & Style with 5 Comments

Yesterday’s post, Forgiving Chris Brown, received many comments here, and on my Twitter and Facebook.

Melissa tweeted, ”Hv nt seen CB b repentant bout anything other thn how it affected him. Ans quests with class, be stand up in ev way, then maybe”.

“Answer questions with class, be stand up in every way”; her feelings seemed similar to Lisa’s, who commented that Chris Brown “always appears so angry and volatile, never remorseful and humble”.

Robyn noted Brown was only 3 years into his 5 years probation:  ”He hasn’t yet paid his debt to society.”

Rhett commented, “They don’t see him showing his remorse by making PSA’s in support of domestic abuse centers or hot lines.”

Do I understand these feelings and the emotion behind them? Absolutely. But as I read Melissa’s tweet to me, I wondered: how would she define being “stand up in every way”; how many different versions of that must there be, given the millions Chris Brown repulsed. What would make us all feel better about this ugly mess (better enough to maybe even forgive)?

Melissa will have her version. What does remorse and humility look like for Lisa? What does repayment of debt to society look like in Robyn’s eyes, does Rhett’s version of remorse – making PSAs for domestic abuse centers – satisfy that? I don’t think so, since Robyn also makes a point in her response that “courts are not exactly known for handing out heavy sentences for domestic abuse cases”, the subtext to me here being that Chris Brown in a PSA wouldn’t quite do.

In other words, Chris Brown has countless moving parts to please.

So yesterday there was the Chris Brown issue eating at me again, the way it ate at me watching him, pathetic on The Grammy Awards. From it I ultimately realize that I have looked more often than not at the world around me for every aspect in it to be as I see fit – from my own personal perspective – with my happiness, or my ability to forgive, or my ability just to shift a bit all hinging on whether or not the world and its people behave according to me. The sad horrible mess of Chris Brown is a teaching instrument demonstrating so often, in ways obscene and minute, that before we will say we’re happy – or in the Chris Brown case, we will forgive – everything must be just so.

How’s that working for us? When is everything just so? It hasn’t ever been, it can’t ever be, there are too many versions of what ‘just so’ is; 7 billion of us are banging around on our planet now. And Chris Brown, I believe, knows this subconsciously and it’s why outwardly he’s frustrated, why he’s angry, and, perhaps, why he doesn’t “appear remorseful” to us. But “appear remorseful” to what end when there will always be another round of people telling him no, sorry, you aren’t done yet.  Chris Brown knows nothing he does will please everyone – what he did was that damaging – just as we know (we really do) that he has to have been through a personal internal hell, any glittery facade because of show business be damned. Grammy-schmammy, imagine the true bitter aftertaste in his soul knowing his Grammy performance / award only made people hate him more; is OJ Simpson truly enjoying his “freedom”?

In the end this isn’t about Chris Brown, though, and yesterday’s post wasn’t about Chris Brown either. Both these posts are about how Chris Brown, and the reactions around him that continue, cause me to look in the mirror at who I am where the subjet of forgiveness is concerned, and, from a broader perspective, where I’m at with my expectations of the world around me. He’s made me give more thought to forgiveness, he’s made me give more thought to the years I’ve spent angry at outcomes, furious at behaviours, livid with circumstances, murderous about unfairness.

In the end, Chris Brown reminds me that I can’t live a life where so many terms and conditions apply, but what a costly lesson he’s taught.

Connect with me :)

 

My next Toronto Law of Attraction workshop is March 3rd.
We’re at Western University in London March 24th.

 

 

 

  • Rhett203

    I was preparing a comment to this part 2. In it I was agreeing that Chris Brown could certainly not be expected to satisfy everyone’s standard for acceptable remorse. Then I saw this. http://yfrog.com/obg3xukj I don’t think I’ll waste any more time on this unforgivable, sorry excuse for a human being. He will always be a thug. =(

  • http://twitter.com/grahamburgers Graham Stokes

    The fact is, Chris Brown’s utter lack of remorse (as Rhett shows us below) makes him utterly unforgivable.

    Now, at the same time, is it right to say “We’re not going to let you have a music career”? I don’t think that’s right either…. what was really outrageous was the statement the Grammy’s made about having Chris Brown perform.

    ““We’re glad to have him back,” said executive producer Ken Ehrlich. “I think people deserve a second chance, you know. If you’ll note, he has not been on the Grammys for the past few years and it may have taken us a while to kind of get over the fact that we were the victim of what happened.””

    Wait, what? The Grammys are the victims here?

    If they’d released a statement along the lines of, “While we don’t approve of Chris Brown’s personal behavior in the past, the Grammy’s are meant to focus on an individual’s professional accomplishments in the music industry. He has been invited to perform as a reflection of these accomplishments.” I’d be totally fine with that.

    But they didn’t say that, and it is this kind of nonsensical, ludicrous approval of his behavior that really outrages me. Chris Brown is an unforgivable douche of a human being, at this point. But what about the mainstream media, the Grammys, and all the other celebrities who have been fairly indifferent about it all…. that’s just as much the problem here.

  • Loretta

    hmmm… why are people still mad/angry with Chris Brown & his attitude regarding the beating/abuse he laid on his girlfriend 3 yrs ago? maybe it’s because he as well as his supporters want to sweeep it under the rug as if it never happened. His lawyers are trying to get the last 2 yrs of his probation lifted but thank goodness the judge has some balls and said no. Chris Brown will only be forgiven when he truly understands what he did is so completely wrong & is his own fault. Plus for those who have never been abused or have known anyone who has been should not say “Get over it.” Or even those who have and are still being abused think there’s nothing to get yourself all worked up over because it’s a part of life; to that I say NO it’s not a normal part of life!!! To all who want to forgive & forget so easily, I hope you or anyone you know never gets a beating like the one Rhiana got from Chris Brown in order to understand why there are people who feel that he has not paid for what he had done. When he actually does then MAYBE he can be forgiven & deserve to be rewarded for his hard work in the music industry.

  • Melissa

    Enjoyed your blog and I do think there are people that will never support Chris Brown again. There are some valid reasons for that especially the police report documenting a pretty brutal beating. I do however believe that a majority of people fall into the same category as myself who want to give Chris Brown a chance to prove to us that he has changed and is truly sorry for what he has admittedly done. 

    That proof may look different for each individual but I’m pretty sure that his continuing outbursts whenever the instance comes up is a sticking point for many potential fans. The majority of his continuing problem with the media would have long since passed if he had just apologized for what he did each time the question came up, answering with class instead of anger. 

    Honestly, he may very well believe he has paid his penance and not be willing to deal with it anymore. He has every right to believe this and to go about his business ignoring all naysayers. He recently won a Grammy and sells out concerts all over the world; he doesn’t really have to care what we think. We all have to make our personal decisions on whether we can support Chris Brown and his career and or allow our children and grandchildren to. That’s the difference between Chris Brown and Joe Blow down the street. While he is wildly successful, how much more could he be? Meanwhile I will be praying to God that he is indeed a changed man and that no other woman will feel the vengeance that he unleashed on Rihanna that night.

  • Rhett203

    Ok, Shaun.  I’ve had time to simmer over this whole Chris Brown thing.  Here’s what I was thinking yesterday before I saw his Twitter rant.  I’m ready to continuing my comments now if you will allow me.
     
    You make a valid point when you remind us that Brown’s task to meet the remorse expectations of the vast multitudes who hold him in contempt is not only daunting, but essentially impossible.  No one can be expected to please everybody all of the time.  Least of all Chris Brown.  So what are the expectations he must meet in order to “move on” with, at the least the acceptance, at most the forgiveness of his critics?
     
    For starters, I think he could demonstrate some small sign of a conscience.  I’d like to think he has one and is capable of remorse.  But, he just may be incorrigible.
     
    It seems reasonable to me that a more visible effort on his part to “make amends” and exhibit remorseful behavior would go a long way to gain acceptance/forgiveness/a break from a majority.  It is painfully clear, he hasn’t done that.  If he had, the backlash likely wouldn’t have been as strong.  But, who’s to say?
     
    I do think that you perhaps give Chris Brown more credit than he’s due.  His behavior doesn’t seem to show much of an inner dialog about what’s right and what’s wrong – only what’s best for Chris.
     
    Bottom line, I don’t expect he will ever satisfy my requirements for “a break” and I need to accept that.  The only clemency I am in a position to give is to myself for wasting so much time on Chris Brown already.
     
    The discourse with you, as always, has been stimulating.  I’m glad you’re here.



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