Who knew I’d spend a week inspired by Chris Brown? I’m so enjoying the conversation that continues to flow here and on my Twitter and Facebook.
Wednesday night and after my previous post on the subject Lisa asked me if I saw what Chris Brown tweeted (above) after winning a Grammy. Rhett posted it in her comment here on HIMBO! around the same time.
Yeah, I saw it, and I read the slow-motion police report that broke down microscopically his vile attack on Rihanna. So sad and pathetic is this boy. But I don’t change my stance. His tweet is just further evidence of what we all very clearly know: Chris Brown is damaged beyond damaged.
More to forgive.
But first, it’s so interesting to read the comments and have the conversations we’ve been having this week, because one common denominator I see is that forgiveness to many feels like it’s about what someone else did, but it’s not. It’s always about letting yourself be who you are – or not.
None of us are haters by nature, and so when we are not loving, we are not who we are. We slow ourselves down to his level and then we don’t feel good and blame him.
Which thought feels better? Forgiveness or blame? Forgiveness is condusive to connection – with yourself. Most people think that forgiveness is about granting somebody else something when in truth most times you don’t believe they deserve it. It feels like by forgiving you condone the action.
But forgiveness isn’t about that. Forgiveness isn’t about them, it’s about you. If someone behaves in a way that pleases you, you approve and you feel good and that person isn’t blocking your feeling good. But if someone behaves in a way that enrages you, you feel bad. They feel powerful, like they are controlling your experience because their action seems to be keeping you from feeling good.
So you find yourself confronted with more from Chris Brown and you feel (insert variety of negative emotions here). But what that also says is, ” If I can’t think of him and feel good, then I can’t think of that subject over there, or that other subject – choose any subject that is under your skin – and feel good either.” And so life becomes like that plate spinning act where you can never get them all going at the same time. But you can say: “I can pick up a different stance on any subject. There are plenty of other things I can focus on about any subject – even within the dreadful Chris Brown: look at the worthwhile conversation we are having – because I’m in control of what I give my attention to.”
What forgivenss is is you feeling good anyway. It’s exactly what unconditional love it. It’s saying, “I am no longer going to use you and your action as my excuse not to allow good to flow through me. I love myself too much, I want to feel good too much, to let this one thing to stop my own energy from flowing.”
Because in the end you can’t make Chris Brown and his actions – or anyone else and theirs – different so you can feel different.
(And if that upsets you, please forgive me.)
Related: Forgiving Chris Brown
Related: Terms & Conditions Apply
My next Toronto Law of Attraction workshop is March 3rd.
We’re bringing the workshop series to London! See you at Western University March 24th.
