A Word On … Ringing The Alarm

Yet another man here in Toronto has been charged for “deliberately” infecting someone with HIV, so it’s time to get talking about this complex and scary issue again.

In 2005 I wrote an article for Xtra called How HIV Can Turn You Into A Criminal.  This was just at the dawning of the HIV-and-the-law issue that is swirling around us now.  It’s spooky to think back four years to when I was writing that piece, because I clearly remember the dire predictions of all the potential dangers of going down this legal road.  

One of those predictions we are seeing so very clearly today: Through this law the idea that the onus of responsibility is on just the one partner - the HIV-positive one – is being reinforced.  Really?  It’s up to the other guy?  This is where we are 30 years later?

I am in complete agreement that an HIV positive person should disclose their status and will never argue that.  But what I will continue to argue is the consistent assignment of blame to just the one party.  

What happened to taking responsibility for your own sexual health?  I grew up with that as a gay man. Where did responsibility for choice go?  

Bad choices happen to the best of us, but the choice is always yours.  Here are all the reasons I can think of off the top of my head for why I sometimes chose unsafe sex in the past twenty odd years I have been sexually active: I was in love, I was in lust, I was upset, I was happy, I was so tired of condoms, it felt good, I was drunk, I was high, I was lonely – not necessarily in that order, and just for starters.

But never once have I ever thought to blame someone else for whatever consequences arose, not once.

Every day, people choose not to wear condoms.  I empathize with people who become infected, that’s why it can really happen to anyone, straight or gay.  But how in hell did we get to it being solely the other side’s fault to the point of handcuffs and a trial?  

Lying and deliberate intent seem to characterize the current cases, making them different somewhat issues.  

But this one issue of blame, now being debated on a broader level is what the former executive director of the HIV AIDS Legal Clinic of Ontario predicted in 2005 when I interviewed her for that Xtra article.  She worried that focusing on the HIV-positive person as a criminal would lead people at large to believe that they will always be told by partners that they are HIV-positive, because who wouldn’t? IE: It’s illegal and there are criminal consequences.  As in, ”Oh, he hasn’t told me he has HIV.  That means he must not.  So we can skip condoms”.

And at a time when HIV infection is on the rise again, that’s the last message anyone in love, lust, upset, lonely, tired of condoms, wanting to feel good, drunk, high, needs to believe.

You can hear “A Word On …” live daily at 4:10 pm on The Shaun Proulx Show, 103.9 PROUD FM.