Everyone wanting a life filled with meaning finds themselves facing obstacles.
I believe there’s a direct correlation between burning ambition and You’ve got to be kidding me Lord Jesus.
If you find it hard to keep motivated when things don’t go your way, this post on how to overcome obstacles is for you. Because how do you keep going when you feel like Edwin Moses after taxes?
This was asked of me in an online interview I did with my friend Lisa Larter for her Profit Primer audience. Lisa is a renowned business guru who knows business like no one’s business, and she wanted to share with her Profit Primer peeps my story, and how I came to manifest one of my biggest goals of my life, despite all the obstacles that could have stood in my way.
An obstacle, to be clear, is not the superficial meat and bones of a challenging circumstance: she did this, he said that, they made this horror happen, I can’t believe it’s not butter.
No circumstance is an obstacle – until you feel negative emotion about it. Then you have your obstacle. >Tweet this!
Precisely as I said goodbye to Lisa, circumstances entered my life that I let trigger a ton of negative emotion, something I am typically way better at managing.
My site – this site – went offline at the exact time Lisa and I said ciao. It remained there for over 24 hours before going live (along with apologies and an Internet “whoopsie” rebate from our web host).
Lisa’s audience had really appreciated our conversation. My Twitter feed lit up. I was wrapped in the awesome high I get when I feel I have reminded people they can be, do and have anything … anything except access to this site, down just as I had invited Lisa’s audience to come have a look around, read some posts, check out my webinar.
Like you, I take my work seriously and work very hard at it; my name is on the dang shingle. So I felt unreliable and unprofessional. My discomfort increased every hour we were offline. My ego compounded it all: unfair! unjust!
Obstacles.
Then I was hit by unexpected conflict via text with someone who matters to me a lot, WTF drama that felt like a slap in the face. I felt lonely, confused, unloved, anxious, hurt, betrayed, foolish.
Obstacles.
My phone dying put the matter on hold – you can’t connect with anyone when you’re suddenly sinking in a sea of humanity in a store, waiting for a Genius to fix your lifeline. I couldn’t connect to my friend, but I also couldn’t connect to business phoners I had committed to. That scene from a mall left me feeling inept, disorganized, scattered, out of control, helpless. Stupid, foolish; I missed my friend.
Obstacles.
Cue stalker. Phone working again, texts poured forth, including a string of vitriol from “Confused”; it had been a while.
“Confused” believes I am a different radio host to the one I am, namely a straight, famously homophobic one – and will not be told otherwise. (I know, but, like with our parents, we don’t get to choose our stalkers.) At his best, “Confused” makes threats to “expose me” and my secret gay life (“I’m going to The Toronto Star!”) – at worse, he threatens he’ll break my jaw.
As texts about re-constructing my face popped onto a phone I believed was secure, I felt insecure. And vulnerable, violated, threatened, fearful, and angry.
Oh and time for another phone number change; PO’d.
A few days later Internet in our building went down for hours the day of the webinar I was to host.
Obstacles.
Lots of negative emotions = lots of obstacles. How does one keep motivated?
Stop calling them obstacles.
You just have to tell a better story than that. If the story you are telling about the people and events in your life are causing negative emotion, it’s not the people or the events that are your obstacles, it’s you, and the story you are telling.
To back myself out of the mess of negative emotions I created, I worked backwards (once it dawned on me to course correct, coinciding, coincidentally, with one super dirty look my husband finally shot me).
So I asked myself the same questions I get anyone feeling stuck to ask themselves:
1) Does this thought / story feel good?
2) Is there a better feeling thought / story I could tell about the subject?
3) If not – because the subject is too tender – try two of my favourite tools that work on any subject sore or not: I Like The Idea and I Like The Feeling. Once the tenderness is gone go to 4).
4) If you can think a better thought – not faking it using platitudes from a poster of a glassy lake – think that thought. Re-think it. Think it some more, using new words until you’ve moved from feeling low to high.
It takes time to wean yourself off negativity – on the whole or on one sensitive subject. Go easy on yourself as you build momentum in an improved direction. And don’t give up – look at what I allowed myself to wallow in and I’m a guy who has been practising deliberate thought for years.
The good news is my dominant stance is in the realm of consistent well-being and it hasn’t taken too much to dust myself off (the friend thing still stings). Work with this enough and you’ll recognize fast when you’re telling a story that doesn’t serve you, re-telling it so it does.
And that’s truly how you overcome obstacles.
I’d love to hear your take. In the comments below, let me know: What obstacle have you faced in the last week? What negative emotions ignited in you? What have you done to move through them? Remember to comment in detail because you never know whose life you are changing when you share of yourself.
PS: Learn more about the power of deliberate thought – join me live!
PPS: Got someone in your life who needs to overcome obstacles? Share this post!
I overcame such a big hurtle this week where I was waiting for a payment that was way overdue and seemed like it was never going to arrive. I just kept telling myself that everything would work out and today, it did. The universe always takes care of me, even when it’s not happening at the moment I want it to.
I love this Andria: “The Universe always takes care of me”. I love it because it’s true. Just this morning I texted a friend who was twirling and said to him, “You need to repeat to yourself: I AM SAFE”. When we tell ourselves such truths about a loving world that wants the best for us – we see evidence everywhere. Like your overdue payment! Thanks for the share.
I was able to overcome my brain stall by taking the risk to write and post in my blog even thou I was foggy and knew it was not my best work. But I told myself in that moment it was my best effort. Two days later – with some loving feedback I went back in and edited. Now I am satisfied and ready to move on to next post. Positive self talk leads to positive self thought.
I interviewed Mariko Tamaki on my show and I won’t forget her saying something like, “As an artist you just have to decide when your work on a piece is done.” Total paraphrase but it has helped me let go of perfectionism with things that will ultimately be soon replaced by the same kind of work. We all have the choice as to whether to choose a helpful thought – or not.
PS If anyone reading this hasn’t read Mariko Tamaki’s graphic novel This One Summer, you have to run don’t walk. Beautifully illustrated by her cousin Jillian, it perfectly captures summer in Ontario – summer, period – from the eyes of a young adult. Check it out: https://shaunproulx.ca//books/
Hi Shaun!
I can relate to you feeling unprofessional and stressed when your web site crashed in the very moment you asked peeps to visit, but being one of those people I thought to myself how the interview was obviously so interesting and valuable to many people, no wonder we crashed your site 🙂 To me, this really wasn’t a big deal. Too bad noone could tell you, right? 🙂
About me overcoming obstacles… I placed offers about my bisiness that I believed were really valuable to 3 people yesterday, and expected to hear from them this morning. No one replyed. My first reaction was sadnes and fear (this won’t work, it’s not good enough, or whatever) but then I thought: oh, they must be so excited about my offers right now, there’s no time to get back to me – they’re celebrating!!! 😀 so this made me laugh, and I instantly felt better. There’s no place for fear when you laugh 😉
Hi Vesna, I definitely believe if you can laugh at whatever once made you feel negative emotion you have nailed it (which is why comics who dare attack super sensitive topics are doing really good work, but I digress). I hesitated to share this whole story because I knew many people would think “no big deal” from the outside. My feelings about it stemmed from something bigger, the site crash just a symptom; it’s what is underneath everything that upsets us that really upsets us, in the end. Thanks for sharing!