Mental Health Awareness Week here in Canada (south of the border gets a whole month; go figure) means continued discussion about a once-hidden type of illness that takes it’s toll on countless people.
But is there such a thing as too much awareness and talk? Thanks to wonderful initiatives like Bell Canada’s Let’s Talk, many who once felt stigmatized are out of the closet, their courage helping to improve understanding and lead others to seek help.
But there’s owning your illness – and there’s your illness owing you.
You cannot heal a wound you keep picking at. I’ve seen anecdotal evidence for years of the thin line between illness-control and illness-controlling in some HIV-positive people, for example, who give their diagnosis incredible attention. They go to weekly HIV coffee klatches, read about HIV, chat online about HIV, attend event HIV- related events (I even know someone who adds “HIV+” to his signature); HIV literally becomes them and they seem to be constantly tired or sick.
“Your biography becomes your biology,” the medical intuitive and Ph.D Caroline Myss writes in her 1997 book, Anatomy Of The Spirit, and this concept appeared true of my friend Raquel, as I watched her re-write her bio, following a general anxiety disorder and depression diagnosis.
I wondered how long it would be until Raquel’s illness was Raquel. Her social posts were almost exclusively about being sick. She even started a Facebook page and a YouTube channel; there was a hashtag. She spoke in the possessive form: “my sickness,” like it was a third limb and not a current circumstance, and she had eloquent descriptions ready of how her anxiety and depression felt, thought-out analogies, clearly oft-repeated. My vivacious, uplifting Pride-stage-hosting electronic-music-scene-fixture had left life’s dance floor; I did not know this replacement, expertly sick Raquel.
By late this winter the illness was Boss: Raquel shared a Go-Fund-Me campaign she created to save herself from eviction, pay mounting medical bills and buy food – she had missed that much work from being sick.
I stuck my nose in her business at this point, phoning her to say I thought the real problem wasn’t her illness, but her undivided attention to it.
Raquel has been a guest on my SiriusXM chat show before – including months ago to talk about… guess what? – and I invited her back on, where I issued her a challenge:
– For one month Raquel wasn’t allowed to talk about being sick
– Raquel was to stay off social media,
– I suggested she volunteer in order to create a feeling of empowerment, and most importantly:
– Put a strong deliberate focus on all the positive aspects of her life, using various tools I gave her during bi-weekly coaching sessions.
“This is the time in two years I have gone an entire month not calling into work sick,” Raquel marveled Monday, just over a month since she accepted the challenge to move her attention off being sick. Raquel said she felt improved feelings of relief, empowered, and even spoke about a small business she wants to start – miles away from asking friends for money mere weeks ago. Raquel looked great, and was in fine humour, and has no intention of talking about being sick again. Hear the full interview below.
There’s no negating the enormity of illnesses, and I’m not a doctor, but you don’t have to be one to know that controlling your orbit matters greatly, that how we focus – our thoughts, our chatter, our social and other media – matters so much more than we’ve believed;. I give my HIV diagnosis next to zero thought and have rarely been ill in over a decade.
Attention makes things manifest. In honour of this year’s Mental Health Awareness Week – sick or not – will you take my challenge? Can you stop talking for one full month about that problem you don’t want, get off social media to take a break from the constant chatter, and use tools like
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