Oh the places we go in this #SummerOfYes. You can glean wonderful experiences and even transform who you are, if you dare say that one magical word more often, as I detailed last week.
But did you know that of the most powerful ways to say yes is to use the word no?
Yesterday morning, a gal pal invited me to an after-work party. I said yes, but texted at lunchtime that I didn’t feel up for it. The idea of the cacaphonic energy of a lot of people literally felt repellant.
My aggressive friend told me to get pretty and she’d pick me up at 5:30 sharp.
By 5:17 I hadn’t even stepped in the shower. I typed into my phone: “Can’t. Don’t want to. Not going. No.”
My friend came to my place instead, where we downed two bottles of wine, ate sushi, talked about men and what pains in the asses they all are, and my dog Ella was snuggled next to me the whole visit, happy as heaven. I made it to bed at a good hour, reading about Kim Kardashian and daughter’s matching fur coats before falling asleep and dreaming of the same for Ella and I.
The night, in other words, was pure bliss. But only because I said no.
No can be the ultimate yes, because as you say no to one thing, you’re typically saying yes to another – even if that other is just you and what you need and what you want. No is the word that helps achieve goals, creates balance and makes time for rest and for dreams to be born.
Embracing the things you are shouting “no” at is another way of saying yes. Each of us has a circumstance happening now we’re not wanting: a low bank balance; a breakup; an ailing loved one; extra pounds, or, as one mum I adore just put it to me: “What’s with all the butane lighters in my kid’s knapsack?”
Pushing against the unwanted only adds to whatever negative emotion that “no” circumstance has caused us to feel. Acceptance – going with the flow, anyway – may sound backwards, but allows you to flow downstream, which is where all ideas, answers and positive emotions lie.
Experiment with saying no more. Say no for the sake of your wallet, your time, your sanity. If you’re new to no, buy time if you feel on the spot, by simply saying: “Let me think about that.” And if you’re a pro-no, try this challenge. It’s not for the faint of heart, but, comes with the reward of feeling truly empowered: Say no… without even justifying why.
However you say no – whether it’s to people or things that stress you out – it ultimately says yes to your happiness.
“Sarah says the food at the party is ah-mazing,” my pal tried, one final time last night, to get me pretty and out to that damn party.
“No,” I said, firmly, feeling happier instantly from having said yes.
Life coach Laura Tucker was a guest last weekend on The Shaun Proulx Show‘s #SummerOfYes special series, discussing how she said yes to finding her voice again, after losing it following a harrowing and life-changing news-making experience, one that has since been told in the documentary, Enlighten Us (Netflix.) She came out of our taping all about #SummerOfYes and has gone on to share her own ideas about saying YES more this summer, in her Free Your Inner Guru podcast. Have a listen below. Thanks Laura!
Thank you, Shaun! And thanks for having me on the show. I’m loving the #SummerOfYes – If it gives you energy, say “Yes!”. If it drains you, “NO!”
Good tips – I like the filter you share in your podcast this week. Have a great #SummerOfYes XO