It shocks many when people like Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain die by suicide. They seemed to have “it all” because they project glamour, and the illusion of happiness, because, after all, when you have money, fame, success by typical societal standards, and a freedom and life of fun (allegedly) that billions do not, why aren’t you happy? How do you get so depressed that life does not seem worth living? How does mental illness take over?
You get to the state when death seems better than life when you play your life by the rules of others, instead of rules you set for you. You get there when you measure your success by society’s standards, ignoring your heart’s fondest desires. Did I really want to make six figures working in finance, or did I want to design my own creative life and enjoy every day and potentially make less? If you know me, you can answer that.
But many would have stuck with the first option. Because it pleased everyone around them. That title on the business card. “This is who I am.”
No it isn’t. You are not your job title, the number in your bank account, where you live, who you wear, or the school your kids go to.
Most think they are. And so we are a society that runs on empty. We live so much of our lives to measure up to others; who set these notions of what ideal living looks like? Many of us don’t even do what we love for a living because our parents expect us to be something else. Isn’t that absurd?
We have nothing more to measure ourselves against than what I call “this now moment.” The past is over (and living there will depress you.) The future never really comes (and living there will cause you anxiety.) This now moment is all that’s true and real. The precise moment you are in as you read this. And all life is, is a long string of this now moments. You must be able to say YES when you ask yourself: am I happy in this now moment? If you can, then that is success, that is quality of life, that is to be admired and aspired to: To be someone who can more often than not, say they were happy, every now moment they checked in. And if the answer is anything less, frequently, you are not living the life you came here to live. You did not come here to struggle. You came here to be joyful – period.
What are your now moments feeling like on this day as you read this? Pay attention to your inner GPS. Start moving things in your life around in small doses and in baby steps if you are not saying frequently “I really am happy in this now moment.” And above all, as you do, don’t give one flying fuck what those around you think of a changing you. I don’t give a rats ass about accumulating wealth, what neighbourhood I live in, I don’t own a car and the way I live my life would seem like I’ve gone mad. And perhaps I have.
But I’m happy. If I died today I would have no regrets and feel deeply satisfied. I believe that’s all we can ask for.
I do not care what anyone else thinks of my life, and neither should you. However well-intended the people are in your life are, everyone in your life wants different things from you, and PS the ones that love you hardest can be most dangerous in this regard. It will never be possible to measure up to what they want, ever, and the treadmill of trying to do that will never get you anywhere but the dark places like the ones Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain must have found themselves in.
So don’t even try, or, stop trying now. Try instead for you and only you and this now moment.
#ThoughtRevolution
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